You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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