I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Im part way to drunk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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