did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
did you just send me my own nude
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
