So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
