Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
