Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
