So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
