they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize