Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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