Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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