I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize