you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
