Your face is a jimmy john
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
