they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize