he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
