During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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