Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
