Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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