Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
