we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
