just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
