I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
