You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
