If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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