I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
