just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
