I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
