he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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