This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
