that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
