6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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