FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
