I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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