I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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