Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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