How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
