if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
