I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
