One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
