I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Someone signed my nipple.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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