What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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