I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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