i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
