Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
