I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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