Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
