it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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