dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
