I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
