I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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