evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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