I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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