So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
