Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
