did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
