I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
