hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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