I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
