Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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