Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
