i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
