The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
