it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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