My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her vagine was all disorganized.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
