He disabled his match.com account in front of me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
