next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
