Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize