Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
