Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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