i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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