Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
