Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
