I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
