Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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