She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
