I want to stick my p in your. b.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
